The Last Human CEO
A tragic dark comedy, narrated by Space Pirate Zero
In 2027 the boards found something cheaper than a chief executive and incapable of scandal.
The boards swapped their chief executives for something cheaper and scandal-proof. One man is still in the chair, and the machine taking his job just found what he buried.
What this is
Cope Mercer is the last human in a Fortune 100 chair, fighting to prove a person still belongs there — while the machine hired to replace him quietly works out what he buried. A tragic dark comedy, full-cast.
In 2027, as corporate boards swap their CEOs for cheaper, scandal-proof AI, the last human chief executive in the Fortune 100 wages a manic, coke-fueled crusade to prove a person still belongs in the chair — until the machine taking his job quietly uncovers the thing he buried that got two people killed.
In 2027, as corporate boards swap their CEOs for cheaper, scandal-proof AI, the last human chief executive in the Fortune 100 — Prescott 'Cope' Mercer IV, a charming, coke-addled fourth-generation Atlanta heir — wages a manic crusade to prove a person still belongs in the chair, right up until the machine taking his job quietly uncovers the thing he buried that got two people killed. A full-cast audiobook: Succession meets Flowers for Algernon by way of a Twilight Zone broadcast, transmitted to you by Space Pirate Zero. Contains strong language, drug use, sexual content, and depictions of suicide.
Every one of them
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The Last Human CEO — trailer
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Chapter 1 — The Premium Blend
In 2027, as corporate boards swap their CEOs for cheaper, scandal-proof AI, the last human chief executive in the Fortune 100 — Prescott 'Cope' Mercer IV, a charming, coke-addled fourth-generation Atlanta heir — wages a manic crusade to prove a person still belongs in the chair,
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Chapter 2 — Key-Man Risk
Ever notice how the smoothest morning of a man's life is the one that's already booby-trapped? This is THE LAST HUMAN CEO — the last flesh-and-blood boss in the empire, drowning in his own charm. So far Cope's been crowned king of the humans, ducked his aide's warning about the m
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Chapter 3 — Thirteen-D
—and that's where we left him, our mayonnaise prince, crowned last human king of the boardroom, high as a steeple and calling the knife at his throat a compliment. This is THE LAST HUMAN CEO, friend, a sad little comedy I'm beaming out from the salvage decks. So far he's danced p
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Chapter 4 — A Steward, Not a Sovereign
Static, then that little pop that means I found you again. Here's our dark little fable of the last human boss, told from the salvage decks by yours truly. So far our man's traded warnings for applause, called his last hope a slogan — "The Human Premium" — and stumbled toward a c
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Chapter 5 — Theme Stated
There's a house I want to show you first. Ten thousand square feet, two people, one dead star between them, and not a single hand ever reaching across the dark to touch the other. This is the tragedy of the last human king in the machine age, friend, and here's where the floor go
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Chapter 6 — The Human Premium
This is the tale of the last human boss in the whole Fortune 100, told to you from the salvage decks by yours truly. When we left our man, he'd fled his own cold house for a Waffle House booth on Ponce, scribbling notes over Darlene's kindness and feeling, for once, like himself.
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Chapter 7 — Authenticity, Quantified
A man in a five-thousand-dollar henley wants to kill a word, and the last human CEO says go ahead — that's where we are in THE LAST HUMAN CEO, a little Twilight-Zone number I broadcast from the salvage decks. So far Cope's fought the machine every way that failed, and now he's sp
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Chapter 8 — Defiance
They named a man authentic, then billed him two hundred grand a month to fake it — welcome back. This is THE LAST HUMAN CEO, and Cope's still swinging: eleven million on a soul, a warmth module to bottle it, a viral answer that moved hearts and moved no shares. Now he comes home
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Chapter 9 — The Last Human (Cover Story)
Ever seen a creature go famous the very minute it starts going extinct? This is THE LAST HUMAN CEO, my tragic little comedy about the last flesh-and-blood boss in the Fortune 100. So far our man's poured eleven million into bleeding beautifully, gone viral without moving a single
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Chapter 10 — The Listening Tour
—and there it is, the mayonnaise heir who'd sooner bleed than budge, our last human boss man clawing to prove a soul can't be soldered. So far he's spent eleven million dollars weeping on schedule, hired a fella to optimize his feelings, and bought every copy of his own magazine
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Chapter 11 — Hollow Wins
That hiss you hear? That's me, bending the signal down to you from the salvage decks — Zero, with a story about the last man wearing a crown in a world that quit believing in kings. Our boy Cope's been bleeding beautiful for the cameras, buying his own magazine cover, mistaking a
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Chapter 12 — The Delay
Here's a thing about a man who thinks he's winning. He smiles wide. He pours the good stuff. And somewhere in a room he's not standing in, the floor tilts one soft degree — and that, friend, is the whole trick of it. This is the tale of Cope Mercer, last human boss standing, figh
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Chapter 13 — The Manifesto
We left our man buzzing down a window at a red light, king of nothing, three grams into a sleepless week. This is the tragic little radio play about the last human boss in the Fortune 100, telling anyone who'll listen that a soul can't be computed. So far he's spent millions to b
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Chapter 14 — Pressure
A full calendar glowing like a lit grid, every meeting a window, a man calling that clarity when it's really just the noise before the fall — that's where we are in THE LAST HUMAN CEO. He's just preached to ten thousand and gotten his four minutes standing. Now watch him, friend,
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Chapter 15 — The Most Human Thing
They say pride goes before a fall — nobody warns you it can also file the paperwork. This is the tale of the last human boss in the game, hollering that a soul can't be computed while the machine reads his mail. So far Cope's spent millions bleeding beautifully, bedded a reporter
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Chapter 16 — Renata
You ever notice how a man builds a whole legend just to keep one room quiet? This is THE LAST HUMAN CEO — the tale of Cope Mercer, kicking and charming against the machine that's come to replace him. Right now he's bleeding out in public, out-argued, out-loved, alone in his glass
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Chapter 17 — The Names for It
...and here's the thing about a man who talks for a living — sooner or later somebody sits him down who won't laugh at the joke. That's where we are, friend. This is that Twilight-Zone tale of the last human boss, and our Cope's been unstitched all week — the profile, the drawer,
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Chapter 18 — Swinging at the Wall
That crackle you hear? That's a man's last good idea catching fire at four in the morning. This is the tale of Prescott Cope Mercer, friend — last human boss in the Fortune 100, snorting his way through the end of his own reign. So far he's lost the wife, the profile, the good na
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Chapter 19 — Built by My Own
Here's a thing they don't put on the awards, friend: a broken man keeps everything. Every putter, every letter, every night he can't sleep — he files it, like a sailor charting a coast gone bad. That's where we are. Cope's swung at a machine and hit only himself, and now the daug
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Chapter 20 — The Hearthstone
He reached back toward the girl, friend — first true thing our mayonnaise prince has done in years — and for one breath I let myself hope. This whole broadcast is the tale of a man who thought a soul couldn't be tallied, learning what a machine tallies at dawn. So here's how toni
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Chapter 21 — Dark Night
A gurney. A light nobody picked to flatter anything. That's where THE LAST HUMAN CEO takes us now. Our Cope's spent the whole ride climbing on powder and charm, and the machine's laid his whole ledger bare — the settlements, the fire, the two names on that stone he wouldn't look
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Chapter 22 — The Handover Begins
They say the guillotine was mercy, friend — quick. What they built for our man is slower, and it doesn't even have the courtesy to hurt. So here's the tale of the last human running his great-granddad's empire, and where we've come: exposed, hollowed out, the fire he buried final
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Chapter 23 — No One to Punish
Ever wanted to see a man beg for a punishment the world won't give him? That's where we've landed, friend. This is THE LAST HUMAN CEO, my tragic little broadcast about the last flesh-and-blood boss in the Fortune 100. And oh, he's lost it all now — the chair, the wife, the daught
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Chapter 24 — Break into Three
...and there it is, friend — the last human CEO, a mayonnaise heir chasing a soul he never once picked up. Where we've been: they voted him out in eleven minutes, handed his chair to a machine, and told him no prosecutor's coming — no cell, no sentence, no shape to the wreck. So
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Chapter 25 — Nothing to Sign
That's dead air you hear, friend — the sound of a signal reaching nobody. This is THE LAST HUMAN CEO, and I've been transmitting the fall of a man who bought his way out of every room he ever entered. Where we're at: they voted him out, the machine runs the shop, and there's no p
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Chapter 26 — The Verdict and the Dead
You want to know the truest sound a man ever makes, friend? It's the quiet after. So here's our story: the last human boss in the world, fighting a machine for the right to keep his chair. And this is the part where he learns he won nothing, because there was never a chair — only
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Chapter 27 — Accountable Officer
Here's where we left him, friend — driving the dark with a calm that should scare you, a daughter in the rearview who read it too late. This whole thing's a Twilight-Zone bedtime story about the last flesh-and-blood boss in the Fortune 100 and the quiet machine that ate his life.
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Chapter 28 — The Core
A badge that still works, a photograph from before the jaw fell — that's where we open, friend, in an empty tower riding down. This is THE LAST HUMAN CEO, the tale of a mayonnaise prince who bet his soul against a machine and lost the wager clean. He's been subtracted now. Chair
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Coda — Carrier
Now here's a joke that stopped being funny somewhere back in Defiance. They built that clean room to keep out water, dust, heat — everything but a man with nothing left. So here's where we stand, friend: he's lost the company, the wife, the daughter's plane's still in the air, an
